Big Feelings and the Brain

Managing uncomfortable feelings, like frustration, anger, and sadness, can be tough – even for big people. However, kids experience those same difficult emotions but often lack the verbal ability to express their experiences in words. Children may act out physically (ex: unexplained crying, kicking, hitting, yelling) when they feel overwhelmed by these BIG feelings.

While it is absolutely necessary to stop physical expressions of aggression toward others, helping kiddos understand the connection between emotions and brain functioning may help increase the calm for everyone. Author and researcher Dr. Dan Siegel (2011) explains that teaching children about the brain may help them better regulate themselves during times of stress and turn to appropriate coping skills before they lose control. Armed with this information, kids can gain a sense of control and power over overwhelming emotions.

The Whole Brain Child by Dr. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

I found that Dr. Siegel’s hand model of the brain is great for children age five and up. Using this model, the hand is curled into a fist with the thumb tucked inside to represent the brain. The top of the hand is called the “upstairs brain” or the prefrontal cortex – responsible for healthy decisions and helpful choices. The tucked thumb inside the fist is called the “downstairs brain” or the limbic system – responsible for our BIG feelings (including anger, sadness, and even love). The “upstairs brain” hugs our “downstairs brain” when we feel overwhelmed to help us calm down. Sometimes, we get so upset that we lose the connection between our “upstairs” and “downstairs” brains – labeled as “flipping our lid”. The goal is to engage the "upstairs brain" by encouraging little ones to utilize calming strategies way before their lid “flips”.

Need help with coping skills? Noticing anger or frustration that feels hard to control? Call us to schedule – play therapy is a great way to work on emotion regulation skills!

Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The whole-brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child’s developing mind. New York: Bantam Books Trade Paperbacks.

About the Author:

Kyleigh Johnson, M.S., LPC-Intern 

Supervised by Dr. Brooke West LPC-S, RPT-S

Kyleigh earned her Masters of Science in Counseling from Southern Methodist University and  specializes in childhood trauma and abuse. She completed an internship at Dallas Children's Advocacy Center, where she offered play therapy to abused children and led non-offending parent groups. She specializes in play therapy, teen therapy, trauma interventions with young children, and parenting groups.