Sexual Assault- What is it? How do I help?
Written by: Kimmy Stoll
Recently Netflix released a series called 13 Reasons Why which displays some vivid sexual assault scenes. This is a topic that needs to be discussed more often in the parenting community. Why is sexual assault important to talk about as parents and caregivers? Well, 1 in 2 women and 1 in 5 men have experienced some form of sexual violence in their lives, 1 in 5 women are survivors of rape, and 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men were sexually abused before the age of 18. Many people believe that this “will not happen to me, my kids, or my friends”, but according to these statistics that is simply not true. Chances are we all know someone who is a survivor of sexual assault (if we aren’t one ourselves). We must educate ourselves in order to help this problem of sexual assault not only in our children, but in our community. Let’s begin with the basics:
What is sexual assault?
Sexual assault is forced or coerced sexual contact without consent – the presence of a clear yes, not the absence of a no. Sexual assault is a crime motivated by a need to control, humiliate, dominate and harm.
There are many different forms sexual assault:
Rape
Incest
Child sexual abuse/Molestation
Oral sex
Harassment,
Exposing/Flashing
Forcing a person to pose for sexual pictures
Fondling or unwanted sexual touching above and under clothing
Force (may include but is not limited to: use or display of a weapon, physical battering, immobilization of the victim)
What are some symptoms of someone who has just been sexually assaulted?
Some emotional reactions could be but are not limited to guilt, shame, self-blame, embarrassment, fear, distrust, sadness, vulnerability, and isolation. If you are a parent of a teenager do not panic; most teenagers go through these emotions at some point. However, if you see these emotions in your child you can start to ask questions and open up a discussion about their emotions.
Some psychological reactions could be, but again are not limited to, nightmares, flashbacks, depression, difficulty concentrating and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Lastly, some physical reactions that can occur are changes in eating or sleeping patterns, increased startle response, concerns about physical safety, lack of control, numbness, confusion, shock, anxiety, substance use or abuse, phobias, physical injury and concerns about pregnancy or contracting an STI or HIV.
What can we do to help a friend or family member who is a survivor?
We can begin to listen without judging the victim or situation. Listening doesn’t always require words. Let the victim tell their story helps the victim feel heard and seen. Let them know that you believe them. As we discussed previously, many victims feel blame and shame for sexual assault. To help not facilitate this further avoid questions like “well what were you wearing?”, “what did you do to provoke him/her?”, “you must have wanted it or did something to egg it on”. These statements are not helpful or needed in a victims disclosure of sexual assault. Ask what more you can do to help is something huge that we can offer a loved one as well as supporting their decisions going further. There are many resources online and hotline numbers we can call if the victim decides to do so (the resources used for this article are listed below). It is critical for a victim/survivor to regain their sense of control so we need to resist the urge to “fix it” or make decisions for the person who confided in us. Be sure to take care of yourself as well. Being a supporter of a victim of sexual assault victim can be overwhelming. Make sure you seek support and help yourself if you are feeling overwhelmed.
If you are personally sexually assaulted there are many resources for you as well. Some are listed below. Feel free to reach out to us to setup a consultation about how we can help you and your family.
Research and information for this article was found at www.nomore.org and www.rapevictimadvocates.org click on the links to learn more.
Additional Resources:
http://www.loveisrespect.org/ #CALL: 1.866.331.9474
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
Support for Deaf Community: Deaf advocates available by video phone at 1-855-812-1001
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