Embracing your Strong- Willed Child

Embracing Your Strong-Willed Child (Without Losing It!) by Kyleigh Johnson

“I don’t want to eat that and I’m never eating or trying that - because I KNOW I don’t like it!”

Strong-willed children, characterized by their tenacity, know exactly what they want. These little ones have no issue expressing their thoughts (despite whether or not their views are labeled popular).  In adulthood, this determination and individuality is praised – these traits are highly sought after in the work place and valued in leadership positions. 

However, as a parent or any person responsible for strong-willed kiddos, their persistence can sometimes feel not-so-positive. Modern families, juggling packed schedules, often feel the strain of these ‘finicky’ eaters or ‘snowman shirt in July’ dresserswhen they REALLY need to get out the door NOW. Parents with super determined kiddos may also notice behavioral differences, including an increase in power struggles with authority figures (i.e. arguing over bedtime, mealtime, going to school).

Often, strong-willed children are looking for a sense of power in their lives – especially after being told what to do and when for the majority of their lives. While these types of boundaries are absolutely necessary to make sure children stay safe, clean, and behave in socially acceptable ways, persistent children may put up a fight. In order to provide peace of mind for parents andhonor the control needs of strong-willed children, parents may:

- Allow kids to make developmentally-appropriate choicesmore often, including: pattern of pajamas to wear at bedtime, flavor of toothpaste, or type of fruit for snack 

- Express boundaries in terms of choices (instead of orders): “You may choose a vegetable to eat with dinner or you can choose for me to pick one for you.”

Many moms and dads pray that their children will grow up to be resilient, autonomous adults. With strong-willed children, glimpses of these traits are already present and might just need a little fine-tuning (with help from big people!) Sometimes, super determined children experience difficulty with social interactions, self-confidence issues, or trouble managing their emotions. Kids and families experiencing these issues may benefit from the specialized training and extra support availablefrom a play therapist. 

Want more tips for helping strong-willed kids or even just a space to vent? 

Sign up for Child Parent Relationship Training, beginning Wednesday, August 30th from 10-11:30 am (this group will meet for 10 weeks)!

 About the Author:

Kyleigh Johnson, M.S., LPC intern, supervised by Dr. Brooke West LPC-S, RPT-S

  Kyleigh completed her Masters of Science from Southern Methodist University and 

specializes in childhood trauma and abuse. She completed an internship at Dallas Children's Advocacy Center where she offered play therapy and led parent groups to victims of child abuse and their parents. She specializes in play therapy, trauma interventions with young children, and parenting groups.